When I was 21, I had a miscarriage. It happened only a few months after my oldest son was born. I was only a few weeks pregnant. I just started hemoraging and lost the baby. I was bleeding badly. My husband was a ranch foreman and was somewhere on the ranch. I tried to reach him, (this was in the days before cell phones) at all the barns on the ranch and at the cook shack. But I couldn't find him anywhere. I was losing blood rapidly, and my two babies and I were home alone with no car. I was in the bathroom when I heard him come home. The door was locked, and I was too weak to get up and open it. I yelled as loud as I could and told him to just break down the door, to hurry please. He came in and carried me to the car.

On the way to the hospital we had a flat. By this time I was unconcious from loss of blood. A truck driver saw him on the side of the road and pulled over to help. He assessed the situation and loaded us into his truck and took us to the hospital. Once there they gave me transfusions and did an emergency D and C. Most of the tissue from the afterbirth had passed but not all, and my body was having trouble getting rid of it. During this time, I died. The doctor used an electric shock to re-start my heart.

While I was unconcious, I had an amazing experience. I found myself in a new place. The air was so fresh and clean around me and the world was beautiful. A very nice man, (I thought it was the Lord, but I suppose it could have been an angel) was talking to me. He was telling me I needed to go back and finish out my life. But I told him I didn't want to go back. My life was a mess. I knew my marriage wasn't working and it was only a matter of time before it would end in divorce. I didn't believe in divorce but knew it was the best alternative under the circumstances, though I couldn't imagine being able to support my children and take care of them by myself. I felt like such a failure. I also knew if I were gone, my husband would turn the kids over to my mother and aunt because he had said he wouldn't want to take care of them if I weren't there. I told the "man" that I felt if I stayed there with him, everyone would be happier. My anxieties about getting a divorce would be resolved, and I felt my mom and aunt would provide my babies with a better life than I could.

I loved it there in that beautiful world. I could feel nothing but peace and love radiating from him and everything around me. I had no pain, no worries, no anxieties.

The Lord told me I hadn't yet finished all that was planned for me on earth and that although I would be back, it wasn't meant for me to stay then. I asked him how in the world my going back could be of any benefit to anyone. He told me my children needed me and that there were things I hadn't done that he had planned for me. He promised me I would return to him when the time was right.

The next thing I knew, I was waking up in pain in the ICU. I was back and very sad to have left the beautiful place I'd been to. But, I now see that, yes, I was needed here, and that the Lord's plans were better for me than my wanting to stay with him. My children were very young, my daughter wasn't 2 yet and my son wasn't yet one. My husband and I did divorce, and I and my children have not seen or heard from him since 1978. My aunt died and my mother has gotten old and sick. They wouldn't have been able to care for my kids. I met my current husband in 1981. We both had hard lives before we met, but he and I had both prayed for someone to love and care for us and we found each other. We had our youngest son together, and he adopted the 2 older kids. We have a very happy, strong family, and the Lord has given us many blessings. There have been many hard times, and I've been there to help my children and my husband grow, and all of them are close to God. I know from the glimpse of heaven I was given at age 21 what a wonderful place it is. And someday I will be there again. I was promised this, and I know the Lord keeps his promises!

J K Langan