What I am about to share happened when I was 15. My parents had divorced, and it was very difficult for me being "between" them. My mother and father have totally opposite views about religion, and I can't even say I was raised Christian because they couldn't decide if we were Christians or not. During this time of the divorce, I had moved back and forth between the two of them, feeling like a boat lost at sea.

I had been attending church with a girl across the street, and her family was diligently trying to "save" me. One day I came home from church and had a "dicussion" with my father about whether he believed in God and Jesus or not. This conversation ended abruptly because he didn't want to push his ideas onto me. He feared my mother would retaliate and say he was pitting me against her. Needless to say, I was very confused. So I went to my room and prayed fervently that God would help me understand what to do and what to believe. I was very scared of this "God" person, not knowing much about him. I didn't know how he would react to me asking him to help me. I prayed until I couldn't pray another word, and, crying, I fell into a deep sleep.

Suddenly, BAM! I woke up on my bed, though I knew I was actually still sleeping and was experiencing some sort of dream or vision. I opened my window in my room and saw a vast desertous mountain region outside. I climbed through the window and proceeded to walk, though I had no particular destination in mind. It was very dark and I felt that there were other people with me in this darkness. I had the most frightening feeling I have ever felt, even to this day. I felt that I was in the depths of despair and as if every bad feeling in the whole world was right there with me. I wanted to turn and run back, but I didn't.

Then I heard a noise like thunder, and I looked up and saw millions of beings in the air. These beings were white and bright and seemed to be floating. I didn't know who they were. I just know I felt extremely frightened. I fell to my knees and started to wail out for somebody to help me. To my right, there was a male personage also on his knees. Then I forced myself to look up at the beings, and when I did, I heard the most beautiful voices I have heard. These beings were all singing the most magnificent music and words. I did not comprehend their song, but I knew they were waiting for something.

Then I saw this white light, brighter than anything you can describe. And at that very moment HE appeared, and the bad feelings left me and were replaced with the most joyful, estatic feelings of LOVE! I have never felt this feeling before. I felt safe, I felt secure, I felt completely elated. What was this feeling? I was dumbstruck and in awe. This being, this MAN, who was HE? HE had a face, but I couldn't make it out. All I know is when HE arrived, I had tunnel vision. I could only focus on HIM. Then, HE spoke to me. I will never forget what HE said to me, little old me who had never given HIM the time of day. HE said, "My child, thou shall not fear me, for I will love you always." And as soon as that was said, I woke up!

I was so mad! Who woke me up? I wanted to go back to sleep, to let HIM finish talking to me. I literally pinched my arm over and over until I was bruised. Was this real? Was this "just" a dream? I don't know, I still don't know. After that day, I can't really say things changed. I have always been confused with religion. I have struggled many years trying to figure out just "who" is God? I have been married and divorced 2 times and I am raising 3 children. I struggle in my day to day life like everybody else. But I will always remember this experience which led me to realize that there is a greater power out there. And most of all, I'm not afraid of HIM, because HE is full of Love and I am blessed to have experienced first hand how unconditional love feels. I hope we can all learn to love like that. Love that feels that good would end all that is bad in this world and make us a better race of people. I thank you for listening to my story. I hope it might help somebody, anybody who is struggling like me.

Melissa Bellaire