|
 |
  |
Len
remained in a coma for the next eleven months, during which he continued
to deteriorate and was shuttled from hospital to nursing home to emergency
room and back as the crises mounted. "I can't count the many hours
I spent in the emergency room and by his bedside," said Sherrie.
Finally, he was struck by
a powerful pneumonia that resisted antibiotics, and Sherrie was faced
with her decision—whether to put Len through the trauma of a
surgical procedure to facilitate the IV administration of antibiotics
or to let him die peacefully with comfort care. "This was the hardest
decision of my life," remembered Sherrie. After consulting with doctors
and priests, she chose the latter.
"I sat with Len day and
night for eight days watching him die. I had asked a very kind nurse
if I could get into bed with Len just to hold him one last time. She
closed the door and gave us privacy. I very carefully slid into bed
next to Len and put my arm around him. I told him that it was time
to go to heaven, and he opened his eyes and stared upward toward the
ceiling. When he would open his eyes like this, I often wondered if
he was seeing something that I could not. He kept blinking and staring,
and I asked him if he was seeing his great-grandmother, whom he had
been close to and who had passed away many years ago. I told him to
go with her, that it was okay and everything would be all right. I
kissed him good-bye and told him that I loved him and that I always
would. He then closed his eyes and went to sleep.
"I went back the next morning
and was told that I could no longer suction him, as I was only prolonging
the eventual outcome. I told the nurse that I could not stay then.
I was at a point where I was very near breaking down completely. I
told the hospital to call me when it was over. Len died peacefully
the next morning. No struggle, just one last breath. The nurses told
me that they thought he was waiting to make sure I would not be there
when it happened." Then began Sherrie's final struggle to find peace
with herself, with her decision. "My mind and heart could not accept
it," she said. "I felt as if my life had ended, too. I didn't know
how to start over without him. And the guilt was never-ending." |
|
|
|
|
