Sample from Chapter Six
I saw a pinpoint of light in the distance. The black mass around me began
to take on more of the shape of a tunnel, and I felt myself traveling through
it at an even greater speed, rushing toward the light. I was instinctively
attracted to it, although again, I felt that others might not be. As I approached
it, I noticed the figure of a man standing in it, with the light radiating
all around him. As I got closer the light became brilliant—brilliant
beyond any description, far more brilliant than the sun—and I knew
that no earthly eyes in their natural state could look upon this light without
being destroyed.
 I saw that the
light immediately around him was golden, as if his whole body had a golden
halo around it, and I could see that the golden halo burst out from around
him and spread into a brilliant, magnificent whiteness that extended out
for some distance. I felt his light blending into mine, literally, and I
felt my light being drawn to his. It was as if there were two lamps in a
room, both shining, their light merging together. It's hard to tell where
one light ends and the other begins; they just become one light. Although
his light was much brighter than my own, I was aware that my light, too,
illuminated us. And as our lights merged, I felt as if I had stepped into
his countenance, and I felt an utter explosion of love.
It was the most
unconditional love I have ever felt, and as I saw his arms open to receive
me I went to him and received his complete embrace and said over and over,
"I'm home. I'm home, I'm finally home." I
felt his enormous spirit and knew that I had always been a part of him,
that in reality I had never been away from him. And I knew that I was worthy
to be with him, to embrace him. I knew that he was aware of all my sins
and faults, but that they didn't matter right now. He just wanted to hold
me and share his love with me, and I wanted to share mine with him.
There was no
questioning who he was, I knew that he was my Savior, and friend, and God.
He was Jesus Christ, who had always loved me, even when I thought he hated
me. He was life itself, love itself, and his love gave me a fullness of
joy, even to overflowing. I knew that I had known him from the beginning,
from long before my earth life, because my spirit remembered him.
All my life
I had feared him, and I now saw—I knew—that he was my choicest
friend. Gently, he opened his arms and let me stand back far enough to look
into his eyes, and he said, "Your death was premature, it is not yet your
time." No words ever spoken have penetrated me more than these. Until then,
I had felt no purpose in life; I had simply ambled along looking for love
and goodness but never really knowing if my actions were right. Now, within
his words, I felt a mission, a purpose; I didn't know what it was, but I
knew that my life on earth had not been meaningless.
It was not
yet my time.
My time would
come when my mission, my purpose, my meaning in this life was accomplished.
I had a reason for existing on earth. But even though I understood this,
my spirit rebelled. Did this mean I would have to go back? I said to
him, "No, I can never leave you now."
He understood
what I meant, and his love and acceptance for me never wavered. My thoughts
raced on: "Is this Jesus, God, the being I feared all my life! He is nothing
like what I had thought. He is filled with love." Then
questions began coming to my mind. I wanted to know why I had died as I
had—not prematurely, but how my spirit had come to him before the resurrection.
I was still laboring under the teachings and beliefs of my childhood. His
light now began to fill my mind, and my questions were answered even before
I fully asked them. His light was knowledge. It had power to fill me with
all truth. As I gained confidence and let the light flow into me, my questions
came faster than I thought possible, and they were just as quickly answered.
And the answers were absolute and complete. In my fears, I had misinterpreted
death, had expected something that was not so. The grave was never intended
for the spirit—only for the body. I felt no judgment for having been
mistaken. There was just a feeling that a simple, living truth had replaced
my error. I understood that he was the Son of God, though he himself was
also a God, and that he had chosen from before the creation of the world
to be our Savior. I understood, or rather, I remembered, his role
as creator of the earth. His mission was to come into the world to teach
love. This knowledge was more like remembering. Things were coming back
to me from long before my life on earth, things that had been purposely
blocked from me by a "veil" of forgetfulness at my birth.
As more questions
bubbled out of me, I became aware of his sense of humor. Almost laughing,
he suggested that I slow down, that I could know all I desired. But I wanted
to know everything, from beginning to end. My curiosity had always
been a torment to my parents and husband—and sometimes to me—but
now it was a blessing, and I was thrilled with the freedom of learning.
I was being taught by the master teacher! My comprehension was such that
I could understand volumes in an instant. It was as if I could look at a
book and comprehend it at a glance—as though I could just sit back
while the book revealed itself to me in every detail, forward and backward,
inside and out, every nuance and possible suggestion. All in an instant.
As I comprehended one thing, more questions and answers would come to me,
all building on each other, and interacting as if all truth were intrinsically
connected. The word "omniscient" had never been more meaningful to me. Knowledge
permeated me. In a sense it became me, and I was amazed at my ability
to comprehend the mysteries of the universe simply by reflecting on them. I
wanted to know why there were so many churches in the world. Why didn't
God give us only one church, one pure religion! The answer came to me with
the purest of understanding. Each of us, I was told, is at a different level
of spiritual development and understanding. Each person is therefore prepared
for a different level of spiritual knowledge. All religions upon the earth
are necessary because there are people who need what they teach. People
in one religion may not have a complete understanding of the Lord's gospel
and never will have while in that religion. But that religion is used as
a stepping stone to further knowledge. Each church fulfills spiritual needs
that perhaps others cannot fill. No one church can fulfill everybody's needs
at every level. As an individual raises his level of understanding about
God and his own eternal progress, he might feel I discontented with the
teachings of his present church and seek a different philosophy or religion
to fill that void. When this occurs he has reached another level of understanding
and will long for further truth and knowledge, and for another opportunity
to grow. And at every step of the way, these new opportunities to learn
will be given. . . .
. . . I wanted to
learn the purpose of life on the earth. Why are we here? As I basked in
the love of Jesus Christ, I couldn't imagine why any spirit would voluntarily
leave this wonderful paradise and all it offered—worlds to explore
and ideas to create and knowledge to gain. Why would anyone want to come
here? In answer, I remembered the creation of the earth. I actually
experienced it as if it were being reenacted before my eyes. This was important.
Jesus wanted me to internalize this knowledge. He wanted me to know how
I felt when the creation occurred. And the only way to do that was for me
to view it again and feel what I had felt before. All
people as spirits in the pre-mortal world took part in the creation of the
earth. We were thrilled to be part of it. We were with God, and we knew
that he created us, that we were his very own children. He was pleased with
our development and was filled with absolute love for each one of us. Also,
Jesus Christ was there. I understood, to my surprise, that Jesus was a separate
being from God, with his own divine purpose, and I knew that God was our
mutual Father. My Protestant upbringing had taught me that God the Father
and Jesus Christ were one being. As we all assembled, the Father explained
that coming to earth for a time would further our spiritual growth. Each
spirit who was to come to earth assisted in planning the conditions on earth,
including the laws of mortality which would govern us. These included the
laws of physics as we know them, the limitations of our bodies, and spiritual
powers that we would be able to access. We assisted God in the development
of plants and animal life that would be here. Everything was created of
spirit matter before it was created physically—solar systems, suns,
moons, stars, planets, life upon the planets, mountains, rivers, seas, etc.
I saw this process, and then, to further understand it, I was told by the
Savior that the spirit creation could be compared to one of our photographic
prints; the spirit creation would be like a sharp, brilliant print, and
the earth would be like its dark negative. This earth is only a shadow of
the beauty and glory of its spirit creation, but it is what we needed for
our growth. It was important that I understand that we all assisted in creating
our conditions here. . . .
. . . We were given
agency to act for ourselves here. Our own actions determine the course of
our lives, and we can alter or redirect our lives at any time. I understood
that this was crucial; God made the promise that he wouldn't intervene in
our lives unless we asked him. And then through his omniscient knowledge
he would help us attain our righteous desires. We were grateful for this
ability to express our free will and to exercise its power. This would allow
each of us to obtain great joy or to choose that which will bring us sadness.
The choice would be ours through our decisions.
I was actually
relieved to find that the earth is not our natural home, that we did not
originate here. was gratified to see that the earth is only a temporary
place for our schooling and that sin is not our true nature. Spiritually,
we are at various degrees of light—which is knowledge—and because
of our divine, spiritual nature we are filled with the desire to do good.
Our earthly selves, however, are constantly in opposition to our spirits,
I saw how weak the flesh is. But it is persistent. Although our spirit bodies
are full of light, truth, and love, they must battle constantly to overcome
the flesh, and this strengthens them. Those who are truly developed will
find a perfect harmony between their flesh and spirits, a harmony that will
bless them with peace and give them the ability to help others.
As we learn
to abide by the laws of this creation, we learn how to use those laws to
our own good. We learn how to live in harmony with the creative powers around
us. God has given us individual talents, some more and some less according
to our needs. As we use these talents, we learn how to work with and eventually
understand, the laws and overcome the limitations of this life. By understanding
these laws we are better able to serve those around us. Whatever we become
here in mortality is meaningless unless it is done for the benefit of others.
Our gifts and talents are given to us to help us serve. And in serving others
we grow spiritually. Above
all, I was shown that love is supreme. I saw that truly without love we
are nothing. We are here to help each other, to care for each other, to
understand, forgive, and serve one another. We are here to have love for
every person born on earth. Their earthly form might be black, yellow, brown,
handsome, ugly, thin, fat, wealthy, poor, intelligent, or ignorant, but
we are not to judge by these appearances. Each spirit has the capacity to
be filled with love and eternal energy. At the beginning, each possesses
some degree of light and truth that can be more fully developed. We cannot
measure these things. Only God knows the heart of man, and only God can
judge perfectly. He knows our spirits; we see only temporary strengths and
weaknesses. Because of our own limitations, we can seldom look into the
heart of man.
I knew that
anything we do to show love is worthwhile: a smile, a word of encouragement,
a small act of sacrifice. We grow by these actions. Not all people are lovable,
but when we find someone difficult for us to love, it is often because they
remind us of something within ourselves that we don't like. I learned that
we must love our enemies—let go of anger, hate, envy, bitterness, and
the refusal to forgive. These things destroy the spirit. We will have to
account for how we treat others.
Upon receiving
the plan of creation, we sang in rejoicing and were filled with God's love.
We were filled with joy as we saw the growth we would have here on earth
and the joyous bonds we would create with each other.
Then
we watched as the earth was created. We watched as our spirit brothers and
sisters entered physical bodies for their turns upon the earth, each experiencing
the pains and joys that would help them progress. I distinctly remember
watching the American pioneers crossing the continent and rejoicing as they
endured their difficult tasks and completed their missions. I knew that
only those who needed that experience were placed there. I saw the angels
rejoicing for those who endured their trials and succeeded and grieving
for those who failed. I saw that some failed because of their own weaknesses,
and some failed because of the weaknesses of others. I sensed that many
of us who were not there would not have been up to the tasks, that we would
have made lousy pioneers, and we would have been the cause of more suffering
for others. Likewise, some of the pioneers and people from other eras could
not have endured the trials of today. We are where we need to be.
As all of these
things came to me, I understood perfection of the plan. I saw that we all
volunteered for our positions and stations in the world, and that each of
us is receiving more help than we know. I saw the unconditional love of
God, beyond any earthly love, radiating from him to all his children. I
saw the angels standing near us, waiting to assist us, rejoicing in our
accomplishments and joys. But above all, I saw Christ, the Creator and Savior
of the earth, my friend, and the closest friend any of us can have. I seemed
to melt with joy as I was held in his arms and comforted—home at last.
I would give all in my power, all that I ever was, to be filled with that
love again—to be embraced in the arms of his eternal light. 
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